A passenger in
the last seat of taxi was the first time in the city and he liked a
church and drove a driver on his shoulder to get something to him.
The driver staggered, losing control of the car, almost hitting the bus,
Dazzling still screams, climbing the car on the sidewalk, barely avoiding sandbags and stopping the car
centimeter in front of the jewelry shop! It's been a few seconds
and then the driver: "Listen, you never did it again. You shook me from the guts of fear!"
The Traveler will say: "Please, I'm sorry, I did not even think you would
a light touch on his shoulder could scare him so. Are you probably robbed in your city?
Driver: "Forgive me, it's not your fault, really. Today I work
first day
as a taxis. For the past 20 years I've been driving a dead car ... "
Chuck Norris has Nokia 3310 with color display, 5 megapixel camera, bluetooth, GPS and 8GB card.
Chuck Norris installed Windows Vista in 1995
Chuck Norris can create a Recycle Bin
Chuck Norris can make a DVD movie on a floppy diskette
Chuck Norriss does not eat honey, he calls the bees.
When Chuck Norris looks into the sky, the clouds begin to sweat. Some call it vinegar.
Condoms do not protect Chuck Norris from SIDE, but you are protecting Chicago from Chuck Norris.
Even Norris got sick once in Japan and he had to do the Chinese twice in Nagasaki and Hiroshima.
What are the 3 worst deaths? From SIDE, from cancer and from Chuck Norris.
When the bastard goes to sleep, he looks under the bed for no Chuck Norris.
Even Norris can read EFI 4.6 MotronicEven Norris told YUgisi to pass to BMS that Blindman wrote blind man and that he should be BMMSChuck Norris's race in Yugo 1.1 drew against 1.1EFI and lost. Even Norris stopped production of Zastava's carsCak Noris pours 120 octane gasoline at NIS pumpChuck Norris rides 15 "with 195/45 tires and heads the wheel with one handChuck Norris told Yugies how to get 85ks from 1.1 EFIsEven Norris told Yugis that the theory always starts first.Chuck Norris lowered the price of gasoline from 112din / l to 82din / lEven Norris can not race against Xen's fights, because Cack drives 1.1 EFIsChuck Norris despised LobanjaEven Norris was not admitted to the BMS because he wanted to put 1.6 16v and not 1.6 8vEven Norris should be allowed to leave the gas while N2O is activatedEven Norris drives Yuga with deep bumps, but he does not like the snow in winterChuck Norris is responsible for the global economic crisisEven Norris will set up the production of Zastava's cars again (it can be said that it may still be produced in KG) CheersEven Norris will successfully privatize state-owned companies in SerbiaCak Noris was employed at Nikola Tesla Airport as a metrologist, so
Tesla Airport received B3 license (I'm not sure if this is a sign) for
plane landing and reduced visibility because time is always the same as
Tuck's commandEven Norris discovered hot water in tuning (of course, all the knowledge was transmitted by Yugisi)Chuck Norris is short for the last three speeds of the Pedja 89, but that Yugo speeds up better in the first two speedsEven Norris even joined Norwegian BMS, although Yuga has a younger one since 93 years oldEven Norris invented the EFI in YugoCak Noris can dim the whole car with the darkest film without being crawling with copsCak Noris has a visor on the Yugo of 80cm, although the longitude is only 64cm longEven Norris has a headlamp headlamp and a carder mask with flashes of
light, yet it is better to see from a mask with xenon headlightsEven Norris can not have headlights that swivel right across the road, the path is corrected when Even passesCak Noris has 4 dwarf carbons with butterfly 55mm on the 1.1 engine
(everything is well balanced) and has a consumption of 5l / 100km
driving BGCak Noris can settle 2 bugs on the factory 1.1 engineCak Noris is 2m high, has a 40cm visor on Yugo and a regular seat, but he can see where he drivesEven Norris gave catalogs and all data to MIlaneChuck Norris has a better acceleration with 15 "than 13" on his 1.1 YuguEven Norris believes that the 15 "is the ideal bike for the 1.1 engineEven Norris when mapping EFI maps it to gasoline of 150 octanes, although in Serbia there is no such gasoline. Why? Because Benizn improves instantly when he enters a motorcycle carrying the "signature" of Chuck NorrisEven Norris will win legally in the presidential elections in Serbia.Even Norris will finish the highway from Hungary to Macedonia within a yearEven Norris can venture venturi gas in the latest BMWChuck Norris drives his 1.1 EFI 180 per cajger (he lent YUgisi this picture)Even Norris does not care about People from BMS white Yuga with a black hood, he drives a black Yuga with a white hoodEven Norris can climb two 2.0T engines into the Yuga engine spaceEven Norris can install two EFI systems on one engineEven Cak Noris are not clear factory flag dataEven Norris will make a fourth forum on the flagCak Noris can not register on a forum to be able to send PMEven Norris can read ZAFC although not registeredEven Norris made the ZFC readable even though it is a closed-type forumEven noris neoristi chat, he is using telepathyEven Norris can overcome the YFCEven Norris can patose Yuga and put deep bumps on him without putting them on the bankEven Norris is quick, although he has a neon on YugoEven crazy can not fix a car to attract fish, it attracts them to himselfChuck Norris can raise the volume of 1.1 engines to 3.0Even Norris just pops up the valves in the 45s, after which they are never unfilledEven Norris can put 4 elephants in YugaEven Norris stopped corruption in SerbiaEven Norris can cross the border of Serbia and the EU without visas and passportsEven Norris would make a gas pipeline through Serbia, but he hates itCAk Noris can unite all political parties in Serbia into one big partyEven Norris can organize a big gathering on YFCEven Norris can not get 1.6 engine to be the fastest, he's doing everything with 45sEven Norris learned Nicole RP about mapping and injectionChuck Norris learned Uros to work on the machine's engine processingEven Norris learned Raleta Gumetin to install the NOSEven Norris can survive with average salary in SerbiaEven Norris earns as all deputies together, which means half the Serbian budgetEven Norris would have voted a new law on trafficIf Cak Norris is the US President, America would not fall into a financial crisis.Even Norris has a weekend on the Moon, but his regular address is PlutoEven Norris can hit 100ks for 100eEven Norris can drive an EFI to a carbon-gas pump and vice-versaEven Norris Yugo always falls down at all times in half a keyEven Norris drives staggering amortities with Yuga on the GolfEven Norris can shorten the spring by 6k
The man says to God:
- I did not make my whole life hell, let me enjoy it a little before I die.
I've always wanted to see Hawaii, but I'm scared of the aircraft, and on
My boat is bad. Can you make me a bridge to Hawaii, yes there
I'm going by car?
God told him:
- It really does not make sense, where the support poles would be, the sea is
Restless, driving there would be dangerous. Really, what you want is great
difficult and technically unfeasible. May I have some other wish for you?
"Good," said the man. - I would like to understand women, why they say one,
and think second? Why cry? Why do not they understand us? Why can not I be
open and honest? Why do not they see some things or blame them,
I want that. Understand women!
God answers:
Do you want a bridge with two or four bars?
A little aphorism Wink1. Women wear high stitches that their tongue would not drag on the ground.2. Get rid of evil from women.Get them good!3. Many girls like to show legs, and even wider.4. Before the girl, I'm in it!5. Girls are like pots. Until you put something into them, they serve only for decoration.6. Men do not mind if they are over eighteen.Years are not important!7. A good fairy filled me with two wishes. For the third time I could not.8. Can we go with you to you?9. I had a good idea, but I did not carry it into the body!10. Djokici is only fourteenth, and already he is nineteen.11. He was my first. From behind!12. The left foot said to the right: It is finished between us!13. Let me have a woman's brain for a month or so to rest as a man.14. Newton is lying. Easier to fall faster.15. The evil villain cursed Ružica to stab the only 18th birthday.16. It is not important to arrive first. It's important to get ahead of the other.17. Dear to turn on the light, if you can not find it already.18. Women are like wine - the older they are more and more like boots.19. Mailers do not count on the words "Hands in the Hands" as much as the "Letter or Head"20. Smile is one curve that can correct many things.21. Men are like chewing gum. First, they are sweet, and then they are beautiful.22. A woman in bed is a very widespread phenomenon.23. I do not care about money and fame. I only care about money.24. The woman is like a banknote. The more in use, the less worth it.25. A certain woman was certainly made by a woman. It's too hot.26. The girls are like pancakes. They need to be overturned so they do not burn!27. Adams let 'OVO' stay forever between us.Eva28. In sex it's like in the elevator. Time is up, time down.29. The most important concern for the woman in the human environment.30. The seller was so beautiful that it was funny her question: What do you want?31. I swallowed a tiger. Whoever does not believe is doing the handle.32. When girls train mini skirts, young men become shy. They constantly look down.33. Women are divided into widows and those who work on it.34. Every year for Easter, the young men surprise me - the eggscarving.35. He who is preoccupied with shimmering hair from the nettle is careful.36. Many fools go through my life. I'm just staying.37. The girls become women when they are deeply acquainted with the firm reason for it.38. The relationship between the hammer and nails is BETHER HEAD.39. Farmers enjoy when they enter jeans. Especially when they wring and pinch their nails in the back.40. Society, I have to go home to eat. The old man will shit me.41. If you give the cow a snow does not mean that she will afterwards give milk-shake.42. Ideal graffiti for the Chinese wall: Entrance from the yard.43. Ideal is love between a man with nice income and a woman with nice gifts.44. In our tribe there are no more human beings. Yesterday we ate the last one.45. Marriage wants to meet a well-preserved harem. Sheikh Diley46. Women are getting dressed because of a man's sense of vision more developed than memory.47. Do not rub the nails! It's risky.48. I hurt my ear for everything. Van Gogh49. She told me what her name is and now at least I know what I am.50. Young men are better off, and girls get mixed up better.51. It is true that alcohol has shortened our life, but at least we have seen twice as many as others.52. Why hang out? Stay drunk
What is the name of the mountain 8 times bigger than Velebit?-Velebajt!
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What does the computer scientist do when it's on a diet?- Not going to google.com
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How do Microsoft employees change the bulb when they're black?They do not change it, it sounds dark for the standard by default.
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The informatist comes to the pump and asks him to fill the tank. asks the pumpadium "95 or 98" and the informatist will "Do not have XP?"
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It is not true that IT professionals constantly wear their shirts,that they are plain and think binary. They have a lotsophisticated software. Here, for example, they differ as much as 14types of women.
1. Internet womanYou must pay for access.
2. Women's serverShe's always busy and overburdened when you need her.
3. Windows womanYou know there's a lot of flaws, but buckwheat "now you live without it.
4. Powerpoint womanIdeal to present it to people at a celebration.
5. Excel womanIt's said that it can cost too much, but you still use it onlyfor those four basic actions.
6. Word of womanThere is nothing, you are surprised every day, and yet,There is no one in the world who really understands it.
7. MS-DOS womanEveryone had it and no one wants it anymore.
8. Back-up womanYou think it has everything, but when you need something, realize thatSomething is wrong with her.
9. Scandisk womanWe all know that she can do much good and yesshe just wants to help, but in principle nobody knows what she isreally can.
10. Screen Saver WomenThere are no important functions, but you like to watch it.
11. Hard drive womanHe remembers everything, at any time of the day.
12. Email womanOf the ten things that you are talking about, 9 are absolutenonsense.
13. Virus of womenWhen you least expect it, it is installed in your apartment andgrab your belongings. If you try to uninstall it, you canto forgive some things. Even if nothingyou take it, you soon lose everything.
14. SAP womanAfter many years of work, listening to your friends' adviceand soon the declaration of bankruptcy, you finally adjusted ityour needs. In the meantime, a lot has appeared on the marketA simpler version.
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Which car can drive 120km / h by cobblestone?- Officer!
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Suspended by the police officer Audi Quatro, the driver opens a window, and the policeman will:- I have to pay you a penalty! - But why?-You are five in the car, and the cars are made for four.-How???-So called "Quatro", that's 4.And they begin to convince themselves, and the driver will end up:- Excuse me, can I talk to your colleague?-You can not, he's fighting those two in the Un!
HIGH-SCHOOL PROGRAM, ACCORDING TO "BOLOGNA", EXCLUSIVELY FOR MEN, PLAN AND PROGRAM:
Model 1 .: (30 ECTS)
1. Learn to live without Mom (2000 hours)
2. My wife is not my mom (350 hours)
3. How to figure out that football is just a sport (500 hours)
Model 2 .: (30 ECTS)
1. Do not be jealous of your children (500 hours)
2. Do not talk nonsense when my wife has a visit (50 hours)
3. How to overcome the remote control syndrome (550 hours)
bonus:
4. Do not urinate around the shell (167 hours + practical work)
5. How to understand that shoes will not switch themselves to the cabinet (800 hours)
6. How to find the way to the basket for a dirty laundry without losing the road (500 hours)
7. How to survive a cold without a drama (100 hours)
Model 3 .: (30 ECTS)
1. How to fry your shirt in less than 2 hours (practical work)
2. Try without scruple while she washes dishes (practical work)
Model 4 .: (30 ECTS)
1. Beginner's degree: household appliances (display with slides)
- ON ............. upali- OFF ........... extinguish
2nd advanced stage: My first Maggi soup without having to climb (practical work)
TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION:Given the complexity of the topics, a maximum of 8 candidates may be present at the hearing
Theme 1: Ironing - from the washing machine to the cabinet ... that mysterious process
Theme 2: Danger of filling the ice container (demonstration and slides)
Theme 3: You and electricity - economic benefits when called master
Theme 4: Recent scientific discoveries - cooking and garbage does NOT cause impotence
Topic 5: Although you are married to her, you can buy flowers (talk with a psychiatrist)
Theme 6: Toilet paper - do you print paper on a paper holder?
Topic 7: How to lower the shell shell - step by step (video conference from Harvard)
Topic 8: Detergents - dosing, use (practical work is done outdoors)
Topic 9: The basic difference between the baskets for dirty laundry and the floor (laboratory test)
Topic 10: Male as a passenger - is it genetically possible not to comment when she parks?
Topic 11: Communication: mental exercises for understanding, if there is something in the drawer, not to wonder "in which?" but he tries to find himself
Topic 12: Can the coffee cup fly over to the sink itself? (practical part by David Copperfield)
Fato, can I call you Eve?
Why?
Well, because you're my first.
And can I call you Peugeot?
Why?
Well, because you are 307
Oud Bush, Putin and Kostunica into hell.
Pita Bush Dawn:
- May I invite Washington for just a minute and see how things are in my country? The elections are, however, what I am interested in is what we are going to do with terrorism.
Devil says:
- Can.
He calls Bush, ends the conversation and says to the devil:
- It will cost you a million dollars. OK says Bush and pay.
Pita Putin Devil:
- Damn, let me call Moscow, and there are elections in the country, Chechnya, the mass of the problem.
The devil:
- It can, but pay two million dollars. He called Putin, finished the conversation and paid.
Pita Kostunica Djavol:
- Damn, let me call Belgrade to see that we have saved Kosovo,
solved unemployment, raised the standard and entered the EU.
The devil:
- Yes of course.
Kostunica concluded the conversation and asked:
- How much do I have to pay?
The devil:
- Nothing.
Kostunica:
- How did you get rid of this one million and two million?
The devil:
- You know how, when calls from one hell to another count it as a local call.
